Nightmare

It began as I was walking through Walmart in search of the many items we were desparately needing. I looked left, then I looked right, and then I saw them. Stirrup pants. Black stirrup pants hanging on a rack. That was when I pinched myself and found that I wasn't having a nightmare, but that for some reason God has decided the world needs a 2nd round at this awful fashion. Now, granted, it is Walmart, so for all I know, that pair of stirrup pants has been hanging there since 1989. No wait, I know that can't be. How do I know? Because at the top of the rack was a giant picture of non other than Miley Cyrus, "designer" of said fashion offense. Seeing as how she wasn't born until 1992 (don't get worked up...I'm not a fan. I had to wikipedia it!) she must of been flipping through some old photos (probably trying to catch another glimpse of dear daddy and his world famous mullet) and thought to herself "Hannah (I imagine she calls herself Hannah...she's multiple personalities, you know!) you missed out on something great. These here pants hook right on to the bottom of your feet, so they can never have that embarassing stuck in the top of your shoe moment. Plus, they are super tight fitting, so even though I can't do anymore half naked photo shoots, people can still use their imagination to oogle me! Score!" Then she promptly called Walmart up, gave them her great idea, they accepted, because they know anything with either of her personalities endorsing them sells faster than a fried Snickers at the state fair, and now I will probably spend the next 4 years groaning out loud anytime I see a 10 year old at school wearing them. I guess next she'll be telling everyone to wear a pair of white Keds, an oversize T-shirt with the plastic side holder, and a banana clip in their hair. I tell you what though...I'm drawing the line at poofy bangs!